That Tree

I walked by it,

Looked at it,

And it fell, 

I cut it up and cleaned it up,

I made my own splitter out of a steel splitter head that I found while working on some family property,

and a steel bar that I special ordered after researching and measuring the specific length that would be best for my body measurements, 

fastening them together myself, 

and used that to split the cut logs into smaller pieces,

The chainsaw that I used to cut it up is also painted red and blue and is the first chainsaw I purchased for myself utilizing money I made while working jobs for the Domestic Limited Liability Company “Lucid Enterprises LLC” which I created and am the sole owner and member of,

Of course I bled on it during its first official use,

I used the splitter I made, 

that I have named’Lucid Splitter’, 

my hands, 

along with the strength I have gained over time working long hours of manual labor during the summers and beyond to rip the stump and root system out of the ground, 

unfortunately for me I believe that it resembles a human heart,

It was an Apple tree that had been in my yard since before I was born, 

Me and my father would gather the apples when they were ripe, 

and make apple cider with a juicer that my mother had purchased with the intent of going on an all juice diet that she never went on,

That tree held nests of many kinds of birds,

Birds that I used to watch from either my front porch or the seat of my Jeep,

whether the jeep I had purchased outright with the money I made teaching as a substitute, 

a dream fulfilled after years of struggle and anguish over the timing of what many thought to be the beginning of the end of the world and the turmoil caused by the death of loved ones within my family that prevented me from doing so for far too long, 

comparable to when I finally got to play football again and got to wear #2,

Photo credit to Sam,

and Sam’s photography,

credit to where credit is due,

until I actually got to teach at the high school where I graduated, 

and work alongside people who were my teachers and idols from that time, 

working for Lucid Enterprises LLC(I chose that name so that I could never give up on my dreams and always keep a promise I once made to a friend that I won’t pretend to have been close with during the time that I had made it even though I should have been.),

and saved that I received from the pandemic relief program which was the best our society could do to offer aid to the people impacted by Covid, 

Coronavirus, 

Or what I sometimes just call, 

The Plague, 

That Jeep which has the logo I created to represent that, 

and myself, 

displayed on it, 

or the Jeep that I have driven since high school, 

The first car I ever had that was given to me by my grandparents after they could no longer drive with the difficulties of age and time wearing them away,

The Jeep that my grandfather, 

A Korean War Veteran had purchased, 

Guard of a prison, 

Sick on the day the prisoners took control, 

and took hostage the replacement who went in for him, 

A coincidence of nature that if not for which I would not be here today, 

While there he also drove a jeep with a general passenger, 

That jeep needed a driver when the general needed to get from here to there, 

Ko-Gee-Doe,

From working on them back home for the business that his father had created and owned, 

He was trusted to drive because of his ability to know when and what part would break just because of the sound that it would make and without a mistake be able to correct the use and repair what was needed without having many specialized tools all the while explaining what needed to be explained as to prevent further misuse, 

From all of his experience, 

that was what he thought would be best when it came time to consider in what to invest as he looked to buy something slightly different from the ones that the general once rode in with their trust in him wholeheartedly invested and put to the test in, 

Top of the line at the time in 92’, 

Cherokee Laredo, 

Black, 

Yet to some a dark shade of blue, 

That my grandmother mostly drove around because Poppy never liked driving anything that wasn’t the traditional manual as usual, 

The jeep with my father’s name on the title despite driving it back and forth to university in Massachusetts after high school, 

WNE is a university and not just a college anymore, 

Money of my own invested that I never knew enough to have counted, 

Even though without dad I never would have been able to rebuild the whole thing multiple times, 

He told me how and what to do, 

I would turn the wrench or pipe attached and ask what else to move so that it would fit his plan to get it driving like new, 

Or at the very least driving, 

We worked on it because it was pop and grandma’s, 

one of the only things that they had given to me, 

and because they wanted me to have it, 

and drive it, 

Anytime I sit in it, 

I know that it is mine as it was their’s, 

just as they should anytime they would in another time, 

when I would sit in it during times, 

when I needed peace and quiet from the noise, 

Sometimes I liked to watch the birds that built their nests in the branches of that tree that fell when I walked by it and looked at it before I drove away and only took a picture after I returned and realized that something must be wrong,

Here is a picture of the last time my jeep was parked at my grandparents house before I drove away,

In that tree I hung a light, 

Activated by motion and powered by solar converted energy, 

So that I could see if I returned home late near dusk after working longer than I should’ve on jobs for Lucid Enterprises LLC and still needed to work on or put away equipment, 

Or fix something on my jeep that needed to be fixed before it would leave again, 

And also to deter,

Anytime that it would come on, 

Neighbors, 

Either fully grown or children, 

Who had begun to ‘play pranks’ by doing things to my jeep or that tree, 

They might think it is a camera and then just stay away and let me be, 

Or as I often thought, 

‘Pranks’ played as a part of a revenge plot, 

of a student or parent of one whose my rules in class were misguidedly thought of as the cause for a suspension or detention that marked their permanent record, 

by their own accord,

A thought that weighs heavily when the actuality of situations in classes are thought of like that, 

Even one mark could…, 

Or even something as simple as a person who read my writing and was upset by the things they were reading and would rather do something like that than actually talk about what caused them to react, 

The light is intact even if it is not there anymore, 

I still have it, 

Lucid dream evermore,

Before I cut it up, 

I sat in my jeep as I often do, 

Thinking of everyone I love that I don’t or can’t talk to anymore, 

There is no one that I really talk to anymore, 

A red bird flying and landed over there, 

Red bird, 

A cardinal, 

In the past few years I began to talk to nature, 

The other living things that would be there to hear me, 

Deer and birds, 

Any creature I saw around me when people were not around me, 

In different ways they would talk back, 

Even the wind and plants, 

Trees, 

Seemed to have a way of communicating, 

As though they were communicating just with me, 

I remembered the fawn for a moment, 

One-Moment, 

The cardinal began flying and flew directly at me as I sat in my jeep, 

Pulling up and to the side to avoid the windshield, 

It flew like it was trying to get to me, 

To be closer to me, 

Because of what I was feeling and thinking, 

Red Bird I thought at first, 

I looked over at the tree that fell when I walked by it and looked at it, 

and wondered if this is what happens when someone is truly on their own without a connection, 

There was a better word than connection but now it’s gone, 

Is that what happens when someone feels that much for what at other times couldn’t be bothered or even concerned enough to minutely think of in the same way about, 

And feels the emotion as far I know unnamed that is felt during the realization of that, 

I thought that my life, 

My situation, 

As extreme as it may be, 

Is unique and special compared to the others that I have known, 

That what I have gone through, 

what I have accomplished, 

Overcome, 

Might have given me something not many others have, 

In moments of solitude, 

I’m able to enjoy life, 

and accomplish things that I never truly believed as possible until I had accomplished them, 

I looked over at the tree that fell when I walked by it and looked at it and thought, 

Even if I was connected to everything in such a way that would allow me the ability to consciously control the wind along with anything else so that I could with focused intention fell a tree as long as I was without anyone else specifically, 

Spiritually,

That there was still one person that I would rather have there with me, 

I sent them that message and they never responded, 

I don’t know if they ever received it, 

if someone else did, 

or if they are even alive, 

the way faith is put to the test by society in this day and age creates doubt that would be ignorant to ignore for even the truest believers of unshakable faith, 

My faith is in the understanding that they know and even if they currently can’t communicate that understanding or consciously comprehend that understanding, 

even if they are no longer here, 

is that there is something more than what I can share with words alone, 

Than what I can express with what we can experience, 

knowing, 

-Lucid