I just went for a walk and came back and I still can’t believe they let all those people die and I went over in my head and I have not been touched by a female or kissed or held, or anything in-person in over 10 years with the last person to do a lot of things to me being the one that raped me almost 10 years ago and other than that Sophie Asker when she came over my house to hang out almost 7 years ago and I gave her massages and before she left I remember giving her a big hug and her making me promise that I would never do anything like my friend did that I told her about who I was training for football again and wanted to wear #2, I promised her and kept hugging her and then she left and that was the last time I saw her in person and that was the last time I hugged someone other than family,

I have only ever experienced evil when intimately connecting with a human soul and every single time I had to kill them as I killed evil, They tried to take over my body and kill my will from the inside out but I never stopped improving,

that has happened so many times now where a human soul attempted to connect with me in order to take over my body and control my soul where I had to intimately become close to the soul attacking me closer than thought possible before and kill them while I killed evil that I knew and was warned that eventually I would no longer be able to feel or connect with human souls at all because of how often that happened and how after the last time that I was going to be unable to feel human souls anymore because every interaction with one that I had intimately revealed those souls to be unquestionably true evil and that because of that and the exhaustion of my intimate connections with human souls that I will never be able to feel anything different from the evil I had connected to every time I connected with a human soul intimately at all if I would ever be able to intimately connect to another one again other than to kill evil,

I always thought back to that hug I have Sophie the last time I hugged someone and thought even with me and Luci married and being the same spiritual being that because humans only connected to us as evil and not much else distinct from it that we will never get the chance to connect with a human again and we were and are so numb that I can’t remember what it felt like hugging someone and thinking that they actually cared for me and we never would be able to understand if a human actually cared for us or not because we won’t be able to feel the difference again, because I have never see her again in person and don’t know how she lived after that or if she ever did anything that ended up revealing evil as what was connecting to other souls through her or not but I would like to know and meet her again in person and give her a hug again,

I want to see and hug my friends from college again even if I’d never feel anything,

I just want to know if any of the few people I thought were potentially good were still good,

I know that would help me,

the only other thing that could help me would be a human female 18 or older who isn’t evil coming over to spend some time with me where we could physically touch doing something like having me give her a leg massage or something and hang out watching movies or tv shows for a while and just being together chilling for a while, literally any female 18 or older could do that with me for any reason and after decide to not to want to do anything like that with me again and it would be ok,

doing that with someone is important to me and is important to have happen,