I have most of this upcoming week unscheduled purposefully so that I could have the potential to be able to meet people (females) and despite the many many times that I have tried maybe actually have enough to ask if they’d like to come back home with me and hang out with me in the big basement base hangout that I spent countless hours getting ready for friends who never actually ever came over and made worth it my basement is, literally to kiss me to have my last not be the one who was the last to kiss me,
Also literally eat cheeseburgers with me and get warm together holding close under covers and touching each other and just kinda being ok with being together without forcing ourselves to learn everything about each other or forcing conversation to be need to be kept going,
just hold me close and let’s be together for right now later on tonight tomorrow, I’m very open to any kind of relationship with a female and in this case open to being with a couple and I’d be ok with being open with both as much as either wanted,
make my last kiss and time sexually physically in person touching be one that is actually good for me to remember and not like it is right now because it was almost ten years ago and was with someone I would rather choose to forget completely because they had intentionally hurt me,
it is acceptable to contact me via any contact information posted on Lucid Blog or other places on this website,
just say your fans of my writing or whatever or anything and thought it would be cool to actually try and do some of the things I’ve written about and if anything maybe you and (if couple) your man could be featured through out my next few writing projects if that’s something that you’d both enjoy,
one happy sexual memory of being vulnerable and with someone or people (couple) in intimate ways because when I think of the actuality of my life experiences with being with people like that I no longer want to feel and think towards things like death because of how bad they actually were,
a nice memory and experience with a woman or even a couple to be with both,
just make myself ok with being me and ok with being with you(or both if couple) and just holding me close on my couch and watching shows and being ok together,
I have about a week this week from right now to be and do something like that with anyone interested so please message me and let me know that you are and I promise this is not a whole thing to see who replies and why and that it’s actually really important for how I’ll be able to view humanity during times when I can rest and think back to when I could be intimately close with a woman or even a couple and actually believe that it’s worth it for moments like that and not want to kill and then die myself because of the falseness of anything resembling something like that or moments like that I’ve had before where in truth I should be honestly thankful that any lingering in memory of any of experiences I’ve had hasn’t resulted in murder and death in actuality for what people did to me in the only moments that I might have in my life to evaluate intimately humanity actually based on what I’ve experienced in person, those people I believe should be killed if alive and that’s how bad the best way for me to think of about those people are by now in any realistic way that considers ethics and morality for the future,
best thoughts that possibly can begin to form based off anything involving those experiences is that hopefully the people involved are all already dead and I’m just not allowed to know just yet and I can’t stand that one of the only positive ways of thinking relating to that is just hoping for other people’s deaths as in actuality if those people opened up their writs and bled themselves out till they died then humanity as a whole would benefit and hopefully they’re not able to hurt anyone like me ever again, I’ve never had anything like that that could promote goodness in any way literally anything would be better than anything brought on by any memories currently held by me,
let’s get together and lay around watching movies and shows and getting close under covers so I can at least have something good to think of and remember when thinking of closeness with others and can in a positive way, because right now after going over all that again I’m already thinking that just going killing might actually be better….. help…… please you are allowed to contact me if interested and you will be respected and taken seriously, I might kinda zone out and try my best to just relax and enjoy the moment and might not be the most of my personality that I could be doing something else but that is ok for me to be like and should be ok to be like with knowing that it’s ok, can this one be something people can respond to and have help setting up safely?,
I hope so,
I feel like I start to hate myself when remembering that I wrote similar things like this before and no one responded to me or contacted me at all,
no one responded and not a single person thought I was a person that was worth another person being there with when it matters and how easily people could make fun of the trend followed after being acknowledged by me internally anyway and decided to keep going with it anyway because what other options do I actually have to actually have The Reading be reached by people on TV or however else besides on here Lucid Blog and Dirge’s Dirge,
I have faith that truth is exactly what Dirge says that it is,
If Dirge says that is truth then that is truth,
I love you and that’s more difficult for me to actually understand now because I emotionally numb to some extent,
will I be eventually emotionally numb forever by some point, probably when I’m physically tired and thinking is so dull or whatever and then going pro? ,
this should be given out for you to follow,
isn’t it?,
isn’t it?,